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WHAT LIVING ABROAD DID TO OUR LIFE AND MARRIAGE

8/14/2014

18 Comments

 
“After all," Anne had said to Marilla once, 
"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on 
which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens 
but just those that bring simple little pleasures, 
following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.”  
 - L.M. Montgomery | Anne of Avonlea
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I read an article that one of the hardest things a couple can experience in a marriage is change. Sometimes you can only relate if you really experienced it first-hand. As you all know, we have moved to different countries, changed jobs, lived in different houses, experienced a semi-long distance marriage and lived with my in-laws (not that its hard, mind you, they are the kindest and warmest people I've ever met) in a span of just 6 years. Very early in our married life, we experienced and continue to experience, one of the hardest challenge a couple can have that can put a toll on their marriage. Honestly, I do not know how we are able to do it. With our every move, there is a lesson learned, a story to tell and a new milestone reached. I am no expert on relationships, and I just want to share my two cents from what I learned over the years from our expat lifestyle: 

PUSHED US OUT OF OUR COMFORT BUBBLE 

La-di-da-da, we've heard it how many times, right? But actually living out of our comfort zone is quite an adventure - sometimes hard, often fun! While everybody back home is living their daily grind -  9 to 5 jobs, dinner with friends, holidays celebrated with family, us on the other hand, is trying to figure out and struggling to ask locals of what we need, or researching where is the nearest grocery, and other basic necessities we need to run our daily lives. Basically, everything is like a maze and we always work our way out of little things. We eat new food that sometimes we don't know (or can't even read) what it is,  meet new interesting people and learn to get around new places with foreign signs. 
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BROUGHT US CLOSER TO EACH OTHER AND ARE STRONGER TOGETHER 

Living abroad is the best thing for our marriage, it brought us closer and stronger together. Living just the two of us, in a foreign country, with no friends and family, is not easy and you rely solely on each other. We do everything literally together - we love, admire, respect, hate, scream, argue all at the same time to each other with no one to share what we are going through. Relying on just each other, even on tough times makes us closer than ever. We know how to push each other's buttons but at the same time know how to hash it out. Being on each other's throat - makes us stronger and I would not have it any other way. Stronger + continuously improving, our marriage is always a work-in-progress, I like that! I feel like we have a deeper marriage bond because of this everything-but-normal-life we share.
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GOT CREATIVE WITH THINGS

You learn to get creative with things if your resources are not available. While living in Africa with our dogs, both of them needs monthly visit to the groomer, (specially I got used to this lady from North Carolina, which by the way is the best groomer they ever had), and being uprooted to this necessities that the dogs need pushed me to learn how to cut their hair. Thanks to YouTube, a couple of messed up cuts later; I actually learned how to groom them from head to tail. It's been 2 to 3 years that I have learned to groom my dogs well enough to not send them to the groomers anymore. Not to mention, it saved us thousands of dollars over the years and the years to come. I also learned to make our favorite food that we cannot buy or we don't have access to from scratch. Basically, a lot of Filipino food and desserts I learned to do from scratch and learned to find alternative ingredients if not available. My baking and cooking skills are honed by my expat lifestyle, which I am very thankful of because I learned a new fondness, and fell in love completely in baking and cooking.
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MADE A LOT MORE MEANINGFUL MEMORIES 

Yes, true enough you can make memories anywhere but living and traveling abroad makes you see things in different perspectives. This is when we make the best and meaningful memories that beg to be told again and again. We immerse ourselves to different cultures, and see it with our fresh eyes. Living on the go, the moments are priceless. Nothing can replace the experiences we made traveling, if only I could freeze these moments, put it in the fridge, thaw it out when we're old and grey and in need of something to keep us warm again. 
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SACRIFICES HAVE TO BE MADE 

For us, what's important is our marriage. We vowed to have a life together, one that we are really together. I believe that living together, physically being there together, is the only choice even if it means that I have to quit jobs, follow him across the globe with the dogs in tow and even if it means moving and uprooting the current life we got used to, again and again. Trust me, its hard, lonely at times, friends and family that you'll leave behind but all we can do is to face the reality of the current situation and move on. We are brave. 
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True enough, that change, changed us. Even though we miss a normal/settled life, and the people we left behind. On the other hand, we are gaining experiences, both physically and emotionally about our lives, about us, and that we are conquering the world one step at a time. We would not have it any other way. And, so, here are the simple pleasures that can perhaps be missed with the changing, the moaning and the frustrating, like a pearl slipping off a string. Here is us, our new home, our little family, some of the best pearls. One pearl, two pearls, slipping off a strand - lessons are learned, stories are made, and that's truly our life's simple pleasures. 
Categories: Marriage and Wedding, Pets, Expat Life
18 Comments
Bianca
9/2/2014 04:57:45 am

Tanj, this was amazing to read! I'm looking forward to you sharing more of your experiences on here. I love all of your photos and the tiny details you put into your blog. Thanks for sharing!!

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Nomad'er How Far link
11/3/2014 07:41:31 pm

Really interesting read! We always wonder what full time travel has in store for us, we hope it will only make us stronger aswell :)

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Valeria @ Rome, New York, London, World link
4/8/2015 09:58:15 pm

I can relate to this so much. My SO and I are both from the same country but we've always lived abroad together, and man has it been intense. He's been my partner, my friend, my parent, my child, and everything all at once. We have shared every tear and all the struggles of an expat life. We've been together for 3 years but in my mind it counts as 10 in a "normal" relationship...I can def say it's been the most eye-opening, life-changing experience I could have ever had :)

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Anj
4/14/2015 05:32:26 pm

Love this , we can relate.

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Heather Cole link
4/15/2015 08:06:12 am

Love this article, so honest and insightful! I totally agree that travel is great for a marriage and fully believe hubbie and I are much stronger for it too. PS Love your wedding dress :-)

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Katrina the Two Week Traveler link
4/24/2015 03:47:18 am

Loved this! This is exactly why I want to move abroad one more time so my husband and I can experience all of this together! I can't imagine any experience that could take your relationship to a new level than the expat life.

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Tanj
4/24/2015 10:13:32 am

I agree with you! You have to do it at least once.

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Vanessa
4/25/2015 02:38:19 am

Quoting Anne of Green Gables is the only thing that matters in life and you get a million gold stars for using it here! Kindred spirits FTW! :-)

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Carol Colborn
4/25/2015 03:22:28 am

We have been living in an RV, going around America, for 6 years after getting married. It can be one never-ending honeymoon!

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Fiona MacLean link
4/25/2015 05:25:44 am

My parents lived an expat life for much of their time together. I'd agree it really did pull them close together. And the friends they made have stayed friends to this day

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Brenda Tolentino link
4/25/2015 06:03:08 am

My husband and I have been through so many changes during our 12- year marriage. One of our toughest challenges was having our daughter 11 years ago. That almost broke us, we weren't quite prepared but through all these ups and downs, we've actually become stronger as a family. This July, we set off for our full-time travel lifestyle and challenge ourselves once again.

Thank you for sharing your story and we wish you all the best in your expat life, which looks filled with love and adventure!

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Meg Jerrard link
4/25/2015 06:26:11 am

Wonderful post - I'm so glad that traveling together has bought you closer and made you stronger - I'm a big advocate of travel either being a make or beak for your relationship; if you can travel together you can survive anything! Very inspiring, thanks for sharing guys!

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Sue Reddel link
4/25/2015 08:17:28 am

Beautiful story thanks for sharing and may your adventures continue.

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Peter Parkorr link
4/25/2015 11:11:21 pm

I'm a great lover of simple pleasures too! And it's true that an alternative lifestyle brings different challenges, but they are usually worth it.

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Christy link
4/26/2015 01:22:20 pm

I completely agree with all of this! Great to hear you guys are making it work.

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Alli link
4/26/2015 03:14:36 pm

I really like your last point of making sacrifices. I can really relate to that in my current relationship :)

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Kylie Bevan link
4/26/2015 04:41:45 pm

Very true. I followed my partner, now husband, to Papua New Guinea very early in our relationship (4 weeks). For safety we lived as 'husband and wife' (now true). When we were heading back to Australia, to get married, friends said as we had managed to get through life 'alone' in a new country together, we could get through anything. They could well be right!

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Delia link
4/29/2015 03:40:59 pm

Great article, and very honest. I'm jealous you guys found people who you not only love, but love to travel with!

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